In the face of Darkness...

I know this has little to nothing to do with the creative process, except that it has to do with the human experience. All of that informs our vision and our spirit and the voice that we give to that fire inside. Patton Oswalt is excellent in all the work he does. I am grateful for the words he wrote and shared today. I hope they speak to whoever reads this, as they spoke to me. 

In the face of everything that has happened on this day, April 15, 2013, I was left with uncertainty in what I could say. Thank you Patton Oswalt for putting it so very well. My heart is with all of those in Boston today and in the days to come in the wake of this horror.

Life... and A Lack of Posts

Sometimes we just don't get to call the shots on how our time goes... I've been struggling a lot this term at school. I just haven't had the time to dedicate to this blog as I would like to. There are a lot of aspects to the creative process and acting that I would love to share. I just haven't been very good at putting anything into words lately, and those efforts have had to be squarely focused on school.

Who knows when I'll post on here again? Two weeks from now classes will be officially over for the summer... At that time, chances are I will be able to work more at this. Until then? Here is an image/meme/quote that I just discovered. It is a fantastic summation of one quality necessary to truly be an actor and be a great one. It is a quality I am so glad to have in me. This is something that drives me every single day, in every single relationship. I am working to hone it for my acting skills. Hopefully it all pays off one day. Well, in my personal life I find it generally does pay off. In my creative life I trust that it will.

And for something a little different...

po·et·ry  

Noun Literary work in which special intensity is given to the expression of feelings and ideas by the use of distinctive style and rhythm;... A quality of beauty and intensity of emotion regarded as characteristic of poems: "poetry and fire are nicely balanced in the music".

Synonyms verse - poem - poesy - rhyme

In all of my creative workings lately, and traveling the journey of my life, I have had a LOT of emotions and creative impulses swirling through and around me. I haven't written anything in a long time, in the way of poetry. I used to write a lot of it.

Tonight a poem came pouring out of my heart, through my head, and into my fingers. These are pure words from my feelings. I really haven't edited them. I really never do. Whatever editing happens in my poems nearly always happens in the course of writing them. After that it rarely feels right to go back and alter them. That's just my personal process. 

Anyway, I know poetry can speak in a way that reaches any number of people. So, I figured, why not share this as my next blog? I don't know who all actually reads this, but may this resonate with some of you in some way. 

A Friend In the Wings...

by. CMC

 

Trying to make sense of things...
Looking.
    Sifting.
        Poring through my feelings.
I ache inside.
I lied.

    I’m not as okay as I liked to think.
I want you to love me...

                         I don’t want to need it.
                 I don’t want you to know it.
    I don’t believe you will... you can...

I am extraordinary.
I am powerful beyond imagining.

                             I am terrified and quaking in my boots.

I carry my head high.
I walk with my Heart and Eyes Open.

The world is my playground.

        It feels like it sometimes pushes me around...
        I am that nerdy kid hoping she doesn’t get picked on.

I have so much Love to give.

    ...My feelings run away with me....

I look at you and I think...
    I like you...
        There’s so much about you...
            You make me smile, and ...
    You are so comfortable.

The butterflies I feel with you are like to make me fly away.

You can make my knees tremble.

                                   I don’t want this!
                                   I don’t need this!
                                   I don’t understand this!
All I ever wanted was a friend.

All I was looking for was a connection.
    I got more than I bargained for...

Please?
    ... please...
                       ... just...
                                        ... hold me?

Tell me you like me?

    ...please...

Just let me be a Friend.

    Let me smile at your joy...
Ache at your pain...
    Laugh with your humor...
Growl with your anger...
    Delight in your successes...
Commiserate in your struggles...
    Wish all of the best for you...
Be here to fight through the crap with you...

Let me be myself with you.

    Let me laugh until I snort.
Let me cry at absurd things -
    In joy, sadness, anger, sentimentality.
Let me light candles for your health.
    Let me write you letters,
Send birthday cards,
    Bake you cakes and cookies.
Let me be the biggest dork you know,
    and still one of the coolest,
Wisest,
    Sweetest,
        Zaniest,
            Most passionate,
Eternally curious,
    Old soul, child-like, womanly, HUMAN
Beings you know.

Let me be someone you know is always there -

Ready with a friendly ear,
    A great big hug,
A shoulder to lean on,
    A helping hand.

I would delight in these things.

Let me be a source of JOY for you.
I don’t need your romance.
                 I don’t need epic LOVE.

I need a Friend.
   
                                    Companion?

         Comrade?

...I lied when I said I was okay...
    I didn’t mean to...
        Truly I believed it in the moment.

The aches in me have revealed the truth.

Don’t push away.
    Don’t...
  lock me out...

I get you worry.
                  I get why you are concerned.
I get why you would want to detach.

We are human, though.

We will always be stronger in numbers,
With support,
    Friends,
        Comrades in arms.

So...
    I’m here.
Ready.
Waiting...
 

A Friend in the wings...
Standing by.

                 ...Will you have me?

Journeys - A Way to Get Centered

This is going to be primarily a series of photos. I recently took a trip and it was incredible. The beauty of the place I went was incredibly centering.

I think it's important to look for inspiration wherever we can, every day, all over the place. Tackling life with open eyes and an open heart we can be blessed with beauty and inspiration and creative fire at any moment. Explore the world around you. Find the places that speak to your heart and soul. Feed your inner fire and you inner still place. You may be surprised what you find.

This is just a few of my favorite images that recall the feelings and inspiration I felt there. I wonder what inspires others and feeds their hearts.

Blessings, Light and Joy.

Creative Process...

CREATIVE 

1: marked by the ability or power to create : given to creating <the creative impulse> 

2: having the quality of something created rather than imitated : imaginative <the creative arts>

PROCESS 

1a : progress, advance <in the process of time> 

b : something going on : proceeding

2a (1) : a natural phenomenon marked by gradual changes that lead toward a particular result <the process of growth> (2) : a continuing natural or biological activity or function <such life processes as breathing>

b : a series of actions or operations conducing to an end; especially : a continuous operation or treatment especially in manufacture 

 

  It is an interesting thing, the creative process...

I am discovering as I work through mine ever more in depth, that my personal process is a bit scattered and fleeting and wild.  It could almost be likened to trying to capture butterflies in a field of flowers... or the ever changing pattern of sunlight through the branches and leaves of a tree, as a gentle breeze blows overhead. 

The number of things that inspire me are astronomical. There is truly beauty in every moment, even when it isn't pretty. It's a strange way to approach the world, but it makes everything so much more magical. There are times when things can be devastating, but when glimpsed in a certain way they can be beautiful. Life itself, in all it's mystery and difficulty and absurdity, is still a beautiful thing. 

 

This is an image from Oradour-sur-Glane (taken by my friend and a fabulous photographer, Alice Rolland). It was a village or commune in France which was devastated in WWII, when 642 people, including women and children, were killed and the village burned to the ground. This place is absolutely heart-breaking and devastating and scarred. There is an undeniable beauty to the endurance of things and nature, though - evidenced by the shells of the buildings and the belongings left in this place as a memorial, and the slow encroachment of nature. There is green and life creeping up, and growing over things. The village itself was rebuilt right next to the old one. Life continues and remembers the past while maintaining resilience.

This resilience is actually one of the subjects of discussion in acting classes lately. One of the main differences between tragedy and comedy, is the resilience of the characters. When people keep fighting and keep going after objectives in a story, even in the face of dire odds and tragic circumstance, there is real humor to be found there. We as humans find comedy in the things that we can relate to. When you take things to an extreme it can get even funnier. A fine example being the sort of humor found in Death At a Funeral (the original version - I've yet to see the remake). There is a grand example of lots of relatable circumstances and characters in an extreme situation. It was hilarious and absurd. The characters were also absolutely resilient and kept going despite it all. That is comedy. 

I know my post right now is a bit rambling, but like I said, so is my creative process. This is just thoughts, coming from heart and feelings, spinning round in my head, and pouring forth from my mouth and fingers to try and make sense of it all. 

In all of our creative endeavors may we find beauty in strange places, resilience in the face of struggle, and the will to come at life with Open Eyes and an Open Heart. 

Blessings, Love, and Joy.

Changes... and a sudden need to write.

Something inside me is shifting. 

I am growing and changing daily. 

Metamorphosis:

1. A transformation, as by magic or sorcery.

2. A marked change in appearance, character, condition, or function.

 

 

That is the nature of my life, for the time being. I am transforming. All of this is of course by the laws of nature, in so far as we are all changing, always. It is also because of my training and education that I began undertaking in August of last year. The second semester of this schooling has just begun. I am in awe of the volume of information that we are given, and even more so at the way we continue to take that information and run with it. 

 

I am an actor. I am an artist. I create in a variety of mediums, but my primary means of creation and story telling and catharsis is acting and dance. My body, my voice, my mind, my heart, and my soul are my tools/instrument. 

 

The gift of acting is truly incredible. That I am compelled to do this by something deep inside of me is a source of wonderment and bewilderment. It is also the only way I think I could do this. It is so very hard. 

 

Not hard in that the actual task is difficult for me, but in the vulnerability it demands while simultaneously requiring tremendous strength. We are mad as hatters. We willfully choose to delve deep into the human condition. Where so many people turn to run from the complexity of emotions and the hows and whys of human feeling, all of it, even the pain, we dive in and wade around in it trying to figure out the hows and whys and wherefores. Then we willingly put ourselves out there in front of the audience to say, "Here. Look. Consider this. Enjoy this. Hate this. Feel something." We can be, when we respect the potential of the craft, bearers of light and shadow. We touch people through the gift of empathy. 

 

My Styles teacher, a wonderful woman that I adore and respect already, argued how absolutely vital our craft is and the necessary gift we provide the world. I have to agree. 

 

I know there is a lot of entertainment available out there, and a lot of movie acting in particular has become the sort of thing that would make many question this. In an industry where there has come to be a prevalence of "personalities" and "faces" that are simply used over again and made famous and wealthy for it, I think some of the respect for acting has faded. The essence of the craft remains, however, and there are some truly wonderful artists in the world. I intend to be one of them.

 

These are things that we have been discussing a bit at school, and my own thoughts and take on things. We are exploring comedy this semester. This focus is saved for the second semester because it really is more difficult than drama. The level of commitment and focus and the stakes of absolutely everything have to be so much higher. The honesty even more so. Otherwise it won't work. 

 

In beginning the journey here, I have had so many thoughts and feelings. There's also so much wonderful information to be had. I think I finally found the spark I needed to start writing again, and actually do something with this blog that I have had sitting on the back burner for ages. 

 

I don't know that anyone will read this. I don't know that it matters. I simply needed to put some words and love and light into the universe. We'll see what more comes along in the future. 

 

Blessings and Light.